HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN: A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO LIFE WITH CHILDREN AGES 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Kids whine. They fuss and cry and SCREAM, usually right when you don’t want them to. I love my kid dearly, but sometimes I want to scream back. That’s not allowed, so here we are reading this book.

It didn’t take long after the candles went out on our daughter’s second birthday cake to realize toddlerhood is a whole new set of skills and problems than the babyhood ones we thought we’d mastered. I also realized that the decisions we make, especially those involving discipline, will affect her the rest of her life. The pressure was on.

For some reason, parenting instincts often lead to us saying things that only exacerbate the situation when our kids are at their worst. We say things like “Don’t touch that!” or “Don’t be mean!” or “What did I just tell you?” It’s hard to think straight during a toddler meltdown, especially if we have other issues on our minds. I grabbed this book to find solutions to my less-than-perfect parenting moments. Ones when I knew what I was doing wasn’t going to fix anything longterm — it’s just what came out naturally from frustration and exhaustion. But not anymore! (Famous last words.)

In this book, I found just the insight I needed to corral emotions and tantrums. Tricks that sound almost obvious after you hear them explained to you. While many of them — like acknowledging your child’s feelings and turning everything into play — will take longer and you’ll have to adopt major patience, in the end they will almost surely save you energy rather than zap it.

If you’re hoping to hear how the tools work in action, there are hundreds of examples included. Ones about offering choices, problem-solving together, and avoiding the type of commands that make a child crave rebellion. Kids are kids. They aren’t going to act perfect all the time, and they may not understand why they feel how they do. But with consistent use of the tools here, we can help them learn to self-regulate and make all our lives easier.

You may still have to snatch a disruptive kid out of a bad situation. Or curb using some of the tools until they are old enough (or until they’ve calmed down about not getting blueberries for breakfast). But we can always come back later for a teaching moment. Reading about the tools is easier than enacting them, so I’ll be keeping this nearby for quick reference as the real tests occur. Another addition to the slowly accumulating Library of Parenting References on my nightstand. We’re in the thick of it now.